He Was All

I wanted even when I was too young

           to know clitoris from slug, nipples

                       from Mother. He was my dream

 

man. My husband never-to-be. I rubbed furiously

           in the bath, soap splashed, soaking the mat.

                        I mimicked the television,

 

calling Him over and over,

            believed I could taste Him if I stole enough

                        candy, if my teeth would finally rot.

 

Bubble gum, vulva. It was all the same. I thought

           He could taste me if I kept my finger in my mouth

                       long enough. I didn’t know to be afraid.

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